I sit staring out to the lake once again. Another year has flown by since they had passed. I come here to remember them as it had been one of our favourite places to visit as a family. Not that we were a family for very long. My Mum, Dad and me.
They had been together a lot longer than I had had with them, but I only got six years with them before the day of the accident. Until the day that lorry hurtled into our car on that icy night. It is still puzzling how I had survived and they hadn't. But that is what had happened, leaving me, a young girl, parentless, an orphan. Scared and alone in a very strange world, having to accept that her parents would not be coming home. All because of some drunk truck driver having a bad day, and falling asleep at the wheel.
Nearly eleven years on and the pain when I think of it still hurts just as much. That is why I have chosen not to think about it. Simply choosing to block it out as much as I humanly could, allowing myself this one day a year to remember them properly. I was lucky to be placed with an old aunt of my Mum's once they were gone, as bizarrely, there seemed to be no other family out there. And while Aunt Della is a little strange to say the least, she has done good by me.
I would obviously rather have had had my parents, I mean, who wouldn't, given the chance, but Aunt Della was a pretty awesome substitute, and she made sure I felt loved and cared for. She made sure I kept my memories of my parents no matter how much they hurt.
Each year on the anniversary of the car accident I had come to the lake with Aunt Della, to lay flowers to watch them float away in the icy water, or to sit them on the frozen lake, depending on how cold the weather had been. But in the last few years, Aunt Della was struggling with moving as much, thanks to old age unfortunately, so I had begun to come alone in my remembrance ritual.
And here I was, sitting on a bench alongside the lake, watching the flowers I had brought with me gently float away on the breeze across the lake. Remembering the wonderful couple that had been my parents. It became harder as time went by to remember them, and I have to admit, that hurts me. You should not forget your parents when they are gone. But when they leave you when you are so young it is hard to maintain their memory and keep those memories fresh. So hard without help.
I miss them terribly. But I like to think somewhere in heaven, or an equivalent somewhere up in the netherworld, they are happy together still. Side by side. Smiling. Making each other laugh. Without the stresses of the world in which we live weighing heavily on their shoulders any longer. And that they are looking over me feeling proud. That is the one thing I hope I am able to do make them proud if they are actually able to watch over me.
They had always been so in love, that is what I remember, and what I have been told. So happy. Meant to be together. I guess the way every girl dreams for a relationship to be. My Mum had found her dream guy. It just seemed cruel their lives were whipped away from them so they could not enjoy their lives together.
I feel the snow begin to fall once more, drifting down through the sky down onto my skin making me shiver. My long auburn hair is now littered with fragile, beautiful snowflakes. I love this time of year. But, I think it was time to go home, before I ended up with frostbite! I had not dressed practically when I came out, only wearing jeans and a hoodie with my converse. I was so not one for thinking practically. Though what 16 year old does?
I move back to the path and headed back toward the town again to head for home. Glad to have remembered my Mum and Dad again, despite thinking of them fleetingly every day, I liked to do this on the anniversary of their death each year. To remember them properly. Aunt Della said it was to remember them but also to celebrate that I was still here, something she tells me she was forever grateful for. She is sweet bless her. I truly don't know what I would do without her.
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Dear diary…..
Another year without them. Did the usual remembrance procedure. In the snow too, which makes me think they were with me, because they knew how much I loved it when it snowed. Hate that Aunt D isn't able to come do this with me anymore. Makes me feel so much more alone. Getting scared, I am close to losing her. I mean she is getting old after all. I hate that Mum and Dad aren't here. I see my friends with their parents, and wish I still had mine. I can't help but feel jealous of friends when they talk about their family. It makes me wonder if Mum and Dad still been around, if I would have had a better life? Had siblings? Been happier? Just don't get why they had to be the ones that were taken away. Why both of them too? Why leave a young girl with no parents? It just seems so wrong. And what will happen if something happens to Aunt D? I will have nobody. I truly would be alone. So I just got to hope she is still around for a long time to come yet. Got to think positive, like she told me to.
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