I have always believed in mates growing up seeing all the love around me including that of my parents made me believe that mates were the it thing.
That no one could love you as much as your mate would, because he or she was the other half of your soul.
Having a mate is a wonderful thing as I believed, that they were your other half, the ones who understand you better than anyone else, that you connect with them on another level.
A connection that cannot be compared to anything or any other connection you will ever have, even that of your parents.
The bond that ties mates is strong, specially made by the moon goddess herself and therefore sacred.
It ties two people for life in a bubble of love, companionship, comfort and security. I believed in all that and I could not wait to get my person, my mate, the one meant for only me.
I would always daydream about meeting him and connecting with him, always dreaming of where I would meet him and how it would be like staring into his eyes for the first time, feeling the sparks and watching as the bond clicked into place sealing us as one.
I imagined that my mate would fall over heads in love with me at first sight and we would go ahead and live in happiness and love, using that same love to bring beautiful children into the world.
When I became older and started understanding sex, I imagined how our mating ceremony would be like and what being mated would also be like.
I knew it would hurt the first time but I filled my head with rosy imaginations of how it would be, I believed that it would be okay because he would be right there with me, taking me gently and we would make love the whole night.
I thought about how it would feel when he marked me while being buried deep inside me, mating me.
All these things were just a fairytale a young naïve girl imagined and hoped for.
What I did not count on was my mate not wanting me, my mate being in love with someone else, someone who was not me. What I did not count on was him hating my guts and wanting nothing to do with me.
I did not count on his wolf taking over when he was about to reject me, marking me against his human’s wishes and mating me on the same night.
I was not prepared for how angry and bitter he would be, accusing me of seducing his wolf into marking me against his wishes which I honestly did not do.
I didn’t do it on purpose like he suggested, I had no control over his wolf whatsoever so how was I to blame? but most of all I wasn't prepared for the pain that would follow that night.
He had said that he hated me and wished that I hadn’t been born that way he wouldn’t have been cursed into having me as a mate.
It tore to pieces that he would say that to me, that he would hate me to the point of wishing I hadn’t been born.
Do you know how painful it is to hear your soulmate tell you that? To know that he curses your existence in this world.. it broke me but I didn’t want to give up hope that he would come to love me.
He had sworn to reverse the mating by rejecting me on the next full moon because that was the only time it could be done but once again life threw me a curve ball.
Something I saw as a chance to prove my worth to him, to make him fall in love with me and maybe, just maybe I would get the happy ever I’ve always wanted.
He wanted to reject me and take back the mating but we didn’t count on me getting pregnant. Once again he accused me of planning on getting pregnant to trap him.
I was a virgin when he mated me, to be precise his wolf mated me not him, but how could I have planned any of it?
I wasn’t having sex, always planning to wait for my mate. I wasn’t on any of our species special pills to prevent pregnancy and of course I didn’t know he wouldn’t want me. So how could I have planned on getting pregnant beforehand?
But none of my explanations were anything to him because no matter what I tried or did he never believed me. It even seemed like his hatred for me intensified and as it did so did my hurt and pain.
All I wanted was for someone to call my own. To have a mate who cherished me, loved me, who looked forward to spending the rest of his life with me. All I got was one who’s hatred for me burned hotter than the sun.
Given I was pregnant he couldn’t reject me since the pain was likely to cause me to have a miscarriage. As much as he hated me he couldn’t do that to an innocent soul, his own flesh and blood.
I believed that no one could be that heartless, not even him despite his feelings towards me.
Werewolves protected their cubs no matter what may come and no matter the situation. Our wolves were even more protective of their young so I knew I was safe for the time being.
I loved him with all my heart.
From the moment I had learned he was my mate but sometimes I feel like the deities must hate me.
Especially Selene for she gave me a reluctant mate. I am filled with all this pain and hurt and I do not know what to do with it.
Every day, every hour, every minute and every second, I yearn for him, crave him but he doesn’t want me, he wants someone else instead.
The only one keeping me moving is my little angel. He or she keeps me grounded, keeps me from ending it all.
From seeking a permanent solution that would eventually give me the peace that I have been craving, because how can I live in this life when my mate doesn’t want me.
Watching my mate give the love meant for me to somebody else, make a family with another woman while I stand in the sidelines unwanted?
My name is Amelia Solace and this is my story.
