Everything was slipping from my fingers and I wasn't able to do anything. Time felt like sand and my circumstances seemed like a cruel joke of life. I would do anything to rewind time and live through the time I was beside Zara once more. Nothing mattered anymore.
How could situations even change that suddenly? I woke up beside Zara sleeping beside me. I may sound like a creep but I watched her sleep for a really long time, how her hair moved with every breath she took and how her naked chest moved up and down in rhythm. She looked so peaceful that I didn't move. And now, I really wish that I hadn't.
Maybe if I didn't feel the need to pee and take a shower afterwards, everything between us would be alright right now. Who am I kidding? I fucked up and I fucked up real bad. It's really funny how I fuck everything up, how people leave whenever I come close to them.
My body felt on auto, I didn't know how my hands were moving, where my legs were taking me, if they were even moving. I had completely zoned out and my body felt heavy. My chest felt constricted as if I couldn't breathe.
My gaze landed on my bed where just a few hours ago, me and Zara had made love. I could still picture her face as she asked me to mark her, how amazing it sounded when she said she loved me. What would have happened if I had marked her last night?
My wolf had retreated in the back of my mind and had refused to talk to me. He felt betrayed by its human. He never liked it whenever I slept with another female, he wanted me to wait for our mate, and being the douchebag I am, I didn't listen to him. I could feel him somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind but he was continuously refusing my advances to approach him. Not having my wolf at this time left me feel hollow, deserted and like a shell.
My gaze finally landed on the only other person in the room, Natalie. She looked horrible and that's just putting it mildly. Her eyes were red and she was now softly sobbing. These three girls were so close and inseparable and I had to come between them and destroy what they had.
Whatever Natalie and I did, it was completely out of the blue. There were no emotions involved, just pent up frustration. She did catch me hooking up with someone at a party and confronted me about it. How our fight lead to tearing each other's clothes off, I would never know. It actually seems stupid as I thought about it. Stupid and unrealistic.
She was horrified when she woke up the next morning and I wouldn't lie, it did hurt my male ego a bit. But as her reasons became clear, I was shamed of myself. She was worried that she had ruined a lifetime of friendship and here I was, sleeping with anyone who had a vagina. It was pretty clear who deserved Zara and who didn't.
I took in my near nakedness and the fact that it would help me in shifting, which would make it easy to catch up to Zara. I needed to talk to her am explain everything. Things I hadn't told her yet, about me and my life. She deserved to know them, even if it was too late. My wolf whined at the thought of being away from his mate.
Go after her, my subconscious screamed at me, which pulled me out of my depressing thoughts.
I rushed towards the door of my room but paused before opening it. I took a deep breath before turning around to face Natalie again. "Let me talk to her first." She nodded, without looking up to meet my eyes. She put her head in her hands and her body shook as she broke down into soft sobs. "I'm sorry!" With that, I pulled open the door to run after my mate.
I run down flights of stairs in a hurry to catch her. I had no idea if she would listen to what I had to say, but I had to give it a try.
I must have waited too long because Aiden's car, which was earlier parked in the driveway is nowhere to be seen. Well, if Aiden let Samantha drive his car, he is already in too deep. Lucky bastard!
I had to make a decision and I had to make it quick. I run down the front steps making my mind to shift and make my way to Zara's home through the woods. It would definitely take less time and if I'm lucky I will get there before them and corner her before she could hide in her home.
I called out to my wolf to support me in the transformation but he didn't answer. I landed on my own two feet, still in human form. Well, that's just great! My wolf couldn't have chosen a better time to cut me off. He has caged himself so deep, it would be impossible for me to shift right now.
I curse out loud at the sky and run as fast as I could to my car. I grab my keys from the stand and jump in the driver's seat. I spot my leather jacket in the passenger's seat and immediately thank my stars for some luck. Zara's parents would definitely turn me away if I arrive at their doorstep half naked.
I hastily wear it and the most amazing smell of chocolate and pines engulfed me. I forgot I had given it to Zara because she had been feeling cold a few nights ago. We scent calmed me a lot and I took in a few desperate breaths in to placate my wolf.
I start the car and race the car down the fucking roads in order to reach Zara's place as fast as I possibly could. Various thoughts about what I should talk to her about, enter my mind.
I turn my car and I watched as her house came into my view. I noticed Aiden's car parked into her driveway and wonder if he was the one dropped her. It has seemed to become a habit, me fucking up and he driving Zara home. A habit which I was more than ashamed of.
I parked my car on the curb and get out of it as soon as I could. I leaned against the door of the car and took a deep breath in.
I heard the sound of the door opening and out comes Samantha with Aiden's keys dangling from her hand. So, she did drive his car. A rueful smile made its way on my face at the thought.
As if seeing my beta's mate gave me some strength, I straightened my shoulders and walked around the car and into her line of view. She must have smelt me before she heard me, because her eyes whip up to meet mine.
She stopped walking and her eyes practically bulged out of her sockets. Okay?!
She stood frozen on the steps as I walked towards her. Something must have snapped out of her daze because she nervously tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear and looked down at her feet.
Before I could ask how Zara was feeling or if she was ok, Samantha nervously shook her head as if she already knew what I was going to ask her. "She doesn't want to see you." Her voice came out small and unsure and I think I knew why. I opened my mouth to say something, but again she beat me to it.
".....Alpha." With that, she hastily got in to Aiden's car and drove back in the direction of her home.
Alpha?! I'm definitely sure she didn't call me that until a few hours ago. Even though I completely deserved it, didn't mean that it hurt any less. It sounded so impersonal as if she and I didn't spend so much time together, like we were never friends. Well, after what I had done, I wasn't really surprised she was treating me this way.
One problem at a time!
I took a deep breath and climbed the remaining steps to Zara's front doors. I had no idea if her parents knew anything but after what I had experienced with Samantha, it would just be better if I assumed the worst.
Without thinking anymore, I rang the doorbell and prayed for her mother to open the door, her brother would do too. Anybody but her father. If he came to know about this fuck up of mine, I would probably be six feet under, werewolf or not.
I thank the gods when I see the charming face of my mate's mother standing at the doorway. She is smiling, so that's a good sign.
"Harper, what are you doing here?" She asked me in her usual chirpy voice and I wish I could share her enthusiasm.
I casually shrugged, hoping to play it cool. "Just wanted to talk to Zara."
"Oh, I'm sorry! Come on in. She told me you were still sleeping and she decided to let you sleep."
So, she hadn't told them yet.
I gave her mother one of my charming smiles while my insides are swirling with anxiety.
"Oh, go on upstairs." She teased me and unexpectedly a blush rose up to my cheeks at how brazen she was being even though it was working in my favor.
I climbed a few steps when her voice called me out again. I turned around to face her. "No funny business under this roof."
I nodded my head, no way was anything like that going to happen anytime soon.
After hastily climbing the rest of the stairs, I walk and stand outside her door.
I sensed just one heartbeat on the other side of the room. She was here.
I could hear her heart pump more fiercely than a few seconds before. She knew I was here, in the other side of the door, ready to talk to her.
I took a deep breath and grasped the doorknob. No point in knocking if she already knew.
Here goes nothing!