My pen halts over the diary page, the last sentence seeming to glare up at me accusingly -
"It's driving me..." Driving me to what? Insanity? Heartbreak?
I sigh and set the pen down, burying my face in my hands. Loving him feels like a sickness rooted deep in my soul, the kind medicines can't cure.
A heavy pounding on my bedroom window makes me jolt violently. "Coming!" I yelp, fumbling to shove the diary under my pillows before Leah barges in.
My best friend since kindergarten, Leah has zero concept of personal space or privacy. Sure enough the door handle jiggles aggressively. Thank heaven for cheap locks on old windows.
I blow out a relieved breath as the diary disappears from sight. Leah can never know how I feel about her dad. It would ruin everything. I rush over to let her in just as the banging resumes.
As the window swings open Leah tumbles inside, all flying ink black hair and gangly limbs.
"Took you long enough!" She huffs, throwing herself onto my bed. Her sharp gaze sweeps my nervous expression. "What's got you all jumpy?"
I force an eye roll. "You just about gave me a heart attack is all. What's with the sneak attack?"
Leah waves one hand airily, examining her chipped purple nail polish.
"Told you I was coming over today for makeovers, duh! Let's get started!" She dives for my closet, flinging clothes onto the floor. I suppress a groan, having utterly forgotten about our plans.
As she babbles about eyeliner techniques, my gaze darts discreetly toward the pillows hiding my shameful secret. Please don't let her find it...
A loud crash from the hallway cuts me off. We both whip toward the open bedroom door.
"Leah Victoria Moonflakes!" A deep voice bellows through the house.
"What did I tell you about using the damn door?" Heavy footsteps pound up the stairs. My pulse skyrockets for an entirely different reason now. Oh god. It's him!
Leah cringes dramatically. "Oops, busted!" She hisses. Before I can react she dives behind me, using my body as a human shield.
I stiffen in panic but Leah just grins, utterly shameless. She knows her dad has a soft spot for me. I probably look like a terrified rabbit, frozen to the spot. Too late to run now.
Keane Moonflakes fills my doorway, impressively broad shouldered beneath a tight black thermal. His winter wind tousled golden brown hair perfectly frames the classically handsome face I've secretly admired for years.
But the twinkle usually lighting his pine green eyes is nowhere in sight now. Stern disapproval pulls his strong jaw taut. I shrink back despite myself but Leah keeps me anchored in place.
Keane surveys the chaotic bedroom before settling that intense gaze on his defiant daughter.
"Leah. Would you care to explain why you came crashing through this window instead of using the front door?"
His gravelly baritone sends warmth swirling dangerously through my veins. I stare fixedly at his boots, willing my rioting emotions under control.
Leah scoffs dramatically. "The door was locked Dad, duh! I did yell like ten times!" I risk a timid glance upward to see Keane pinch the bridge of his nose in that endearingly familiar way.
"Regardless. We've discussed this, Leah. Boundaries matter, even with family." His stern expression softens slightly as he takes in my obvious discomfort.
"You alright there, Raven? Didn't mean to startle you kids." I nod jerkily, afraid to test my voice.
Sensing my unusual timidity, Keane frowns. His piercing green gaze sweeps my face and I flush crimson,
"Are you okay?" Keane asks gently. "What happened, little one?"
The rarely used childhood nickname sends bittersweet warmth cascading through me. Before I can scrape together some excuse, Leah jumps in smoothly.
"She's fine! Just nervous for her makeover!"
She slings a casual arm around my shoulders but Keane still watches me closely. I manage what's hopefully a convincing smile. After a searching look, he nods reluctantly.
"Well, alright then. I'll be leaving you girls to your plans."
With a final concerned glance at me, Keane departs after pressing several bills into my hand.
"Go treat yourselves, yeah? And call me if you need anything." His tender smile never fails to make my foolish heart skip. Then he's gone and I can breathe again. Barely.
"Oh Raven, you hopeless mess! Why can't you just see him as your best friend's loving dad? Why did you have to go and catch feelings for your guardian angel?"
I blow out a shaky breath and paste on a bright smile. Leah eyes me suspiciously as she pulls me into enthusiastic chatter about shopping and manicures.
I trail behind silently as we set out, laughter and teasing slowly thawing my frozen insides. I determinedly shove all forbidden thoughts of Keane from my mind.
+++
Several hours later, flushed with laughter and laden with shopping bags, we troop back inside my blessedly empty house.
Turns out retail therapy does lift the spirits after all. Leah sprawls dramatically across my bedspread.
"That was epic!" Before react, her flailing hand bumps against the pillows. My diary tumbles out onto the bedspread.
Everything seems to freeze for one agonizing moment as Leah grabs the little book curiously. Then I'm diving across the bed, heart in my throat.
"Don't!" I gasp out, grappling to get it back. But Leah easily fends me off, flipping open the diary as she skips away from my grasping hands.
""Dear diary, I love him!"" She reads out dramatically. Even though she doesn't know who him is, I want to melt into the floor. Leah's porcelain brow creases.
"Love who? Why all the secrecy?"
Leah stared at me expectantly. When I just shake my head mutely, her pretty features pinch into a scowl.
"What the heck Rav! We're best friends, we don't keep secrets!" She tosses her inky waves indignantly. "Who's got you acting all weird and writing secret love notes?"
I fidget anxiously before mumbling some vague excuse about an older boy. Leah perks up eagerly.
"Oooh, forbidden love! This just got interesting!" She waggles her eyebrows suggestively. "C'mon, dish! Who is he? Anyone I know?"
I slump dejectedly. There's no distracting her from this line of gossip.
"I...I can't tell you that part. But he's, well, a lot older than me." Technically not a lie.
"I know nothing can actually happen but...I just can't seem to stop, you know...feeling things." I duck my head miserably.
Leah considers this for a moment before surprise widens her eyes.
"Ohhh wait, is this about Mr. Trent? I knew you crushed hard on him sophomore year!"
She practically vibrates with excited speculation but I shake my head quickly.
Better she assumes it's some random teacher than guess the mortifying truth.
Leah taps one glittery nail against her chin.
"Hmm well older men can be super hot. I say shoot your shot girl! Ask him out! Even if he says no you'll get closure. Then you can move on to more age appropriate dudes."
She waggles her brows comically and I can't help a small giggle. Bless her romantic little heart. If only it were that simple.
A car horn blares outside, followed by a male voice yelling Leah's name. She gasps "That's my ride! Mike and I are going to grab pizza."
Grabbing her purse Leah pulls me into a swift, fierce hug.
"Gotta jet, but chin up babe! Let me know how it goes with your mystery man, 'kay?"
With an enthusiastic wave she's bounding out the door, letting it slam shut behind her. Silence rings out in the cozy house.
I take a deep breath, squaring my shoulders with resolve. Leah is right - I need closure on these hopeless feelings, one way or another.
And with her dad now conveniently home alone, fate seems to be nudging me toward some kind of reckoning.
Before I lose my nerve, I freshen up my new look from earlier and slip outside into the deepening twilight.
The short walk across the lawns to Keane's front door sees my courage rapidly dwindling.
What exactly is my plan here? To throw myself at my best friend's completely unattainable father and sob my pathetic feelings all over him like some dramatic teenager?
Utterly mortified by my own idiocy, I nonetheless find myself lifting one trembling hand to knock.
No response. I peer through the front window curiously. Keane's jacket and keys lay on the foyer table so he must be home.
Testing the knob finds it unlocked. Well, no one locks doors in our safe little suburb. I slip hesitantly inside the familiar house.
"Um, Keane? Hello?" My wavering call echoes down the shadowed hallway. This is such an awful idea, I should leave right now before...
Loud thumping erupts from the den down the hall, followed by breathless feminine laughter.
I freeze, nerves jangling as two figures stumble into view, locked in passionate embrace.
The woman is mostly obscured but over her bare shoulder I recognize Keane's beloved face. His strong hands grasp the stranger's hips, pulling her firmly against him.
Humiliated tears spring to my eyes even as vicious jealousy claws through my insides.
Of course Keane has female company.
Did I actually convince myself the handsome young widower would wait around for his teenage daughter's dweeby best friend to make some pathetic confession?
Before they glimpse me hovering here like the abandoned child I am, I whirl to flee this nightmare scene.
But frozen shock roots me in place at the sight now revealed in the hallway mirror behind me.
Because Keane's mystery woman isn't some random date. Even disheveled from kissing and pawing at him ardently, I recognize Mia's slender frame pressed so intimately against Keane's muscular chest.
Red hot fury chases away the bitter hurt.
My own sister - slyly advising me to get over Keane all this time, while she secretly seduced him behind my back!
And he clearly welcomes her attention, large hands roving freely over her curves. Revulsion twists my gut.
I must escape this house right now before I vomit or commit murder. But their moans reached my sensitive ears, freezing me in place despite the screaming voice in my head yelling at me to run.
"Oh Keane," Mia purrs, nimble fingers tracing his chest suggestively.
"I've wanted this for so long. Needed you so much!" My jaw drops in disbelief. How long has she been playing us all for fools in her twisted game?
Keane slides both hands down to grip Mia's backside. "Say that again, sexy girl." He growls low in his throat and I nearly retch at his obvious arousal.
I whirled blindly away, bile surging up my throat as I flee into the cold night with one thought echoing in my mind.
I need to leave.
To get as far away as possible if I want to survive.
